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PApEr_or_PLaStic
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Name: Sujjy
Country: United States
State: New York
Birthday: 4/24/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Writing, Reading, Talking, Thinking, Sleeping.
Expertise: Sarcasm, Pessimism, Extroverts, Cynicism, and Using large words for no reason.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
1/23/2003
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| I spent the night at my parents house yesterday and it was oddly very comforting. The place I was running from bedause it was to noisy or people wouldn't stop bothering me or I felt like an outsider or whatever I felt more like I belonged there last night/this morning than I have in the 17 years I did live there. Is it true? Is the grass really always greener on the other side that when you've felt so much pain and anger in a place you still can long to go back? How can happiness ever come if every feeling is always conflicting with next? What an oddity... Kittens! Suj | | |
| Lady Gaga is a freggin weerdo but somehow i love her! I don't recall anything i was writing the other night and I'm to lazy to go back and read it over so that I can continue. I'm also to afraid that this is a fluke and if I try to leave this page it will go back to being blocked and that would suck. The main reason I stopped writing on this thing was because I could no longer access it at work. If they bring it back it would be so great. I could finally vent about everything I hate in the world again lolz. And love... As of late I hate my job even more. Mainly because this woman thinks I am her slave. Last friday, she sent me an email every 5 minutes either asking me for something or belittling me. I just want to stick her head in a bucket and kick till i fell down from exhaustion. I don't see how anyone could be so mean! I just can't understand where she was made. She couldn't have been born because she is pure EVIL!!! I sit at my desk from time to time thinking about how i'm going to kill her. Then I laugh aloud to myself and the contentment I'd gain from her death. I just hope no one sees me. They might think i'm crazier then they already think I am. The only reason I'm getting a little break today from that witch is because she's travelling. Not that that stops her from sending me rude email after rude email after rude email. I just want to tell her where to go. And i've seriously thought about it, but i'm not sure if I'D be the one to get in trouble or if she would be. Granted it won't be the most professional thing if I tell her to go f.ck herself but i have email after email after email to show that she provoked it out of me. Well atleast until Wednesday I don't have to see her dumb face. On another note, my mother seems to be coming to terms with the fact that I live with my boyfriend now. She was pissy at first (still sort of is) but she is doing what I wanted her to do from the beginning. She is being "i don't agree with your decisions but I will support you" which is all that I wanted. Last night she sent over sunday dinner for me, which was nice since I didn't cook. I was going to but I got lazy. So I had a nice dinner with no effort at all lolz. I'm glad I moved far enough away for them to not bother me but close enough for her to be able to send me dinner. Well i'm done for now. Hopefully this site is unblocked for good. I miss writing on her. Ja Mata Suj. | | |
| yawn...it's midnight and i'm tired but I don't want to go to bed so as my fingers went frantically typing for websites to go to to keep me awake it came up with this one. I've obviously stopped updating a while ago lolz but here goes.
As for the Cancer thing... hooray for me- all gone...for now. I had a procedure done where the doctor pretty much shaved away my cervix  in an attempt to get rid of all the dysplastic cells. She said that everything was okay when they retested for the dysplasia but I have to go back in October to make sure it didnt go back. Now the doctor I hate the most I have to see more often than my Cardiologist arrrghhhh!! I supposedly have to see her every 3 months for the next 2 years but we'll see as I never really liked her as a doctor anyway. I think I'll go see another one.
I'm sitting next to my boyfriend right now and he's complaining that I'm a "mystery" because i won't let him read my xanga over my shoulder. Bleh, I don't like people reading what i'm thinking right in front of my face. It opens questions that I don't want to answer. Take what i say and then just take it for that. Constant re-explaining and beating everything with a stick is tiresome for me.
So me and my boyfriend moved in together.... lolz. So much drama there (as usual). I WAS supposed to move in back in the beginning of August but I didn't end up moving in until over labor day weekend. Moving out is EXPENSIVE. I would not recommend to anyone who is on meager means with tons of other bills to pay. I have dropped over 6 grand within the matter of a month and it still seems i'm burning through money. Granted the only place I've shopped is Bed Bath and Beyond...
(side track)
Frig he came back. What the hell can I write on xanga without him wanting to get all up in my business. I swear to God man....
Yea so we've only shopped at bed, bath and beyond and Target. Everywhere else is either to far to get to or sucks. The apartment is one block away from my pervy boss who thought it nice to bring in his sons belt for me to try on.
I feel fat.
I'm tired.
But I don't want to go to sleep.
Direct tv is coming tomorrow they're gunna make me late as all hell for work tomorrow.
blah i can't take this anymore I can't even think. I'm going to bed. maybe i'll come back tomorrow. and actually turn this mess into coherent statements.
Good night xanga world.
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| Hmmm...Okay so plenty has happened. Much of which I haven't told most people but I guess I shall spread to the entire xanga community lolz. I'll start from the recent and work my way back. I didn't go to work today because unfortunately I've only woken up about like 2 hours ago and it's 3.am =/ and when I did wake up earlier I had no idea where I was or what was going on. I've been so unbelievably sedated but what is to be expected when you OD on like 10 valium. No I wan't trying to kill myself lolz. Hmm maybe it might make more sense for me to start from the beginng and work my way forward.
About 2 months ago I was diagnosed with severe dysplasia in my cervix. There are pretty much 4 levels . Level 1 - yay you're healthy
Level 2 - mild dysplasia
Level 3 - Severe dysplasia
Level 4 - Invasive Cancer.
I'm pretty much on the tipping stone and actually they don't know if I have Invasive Cancer. When I first got the procedure done they said that on the outer tissue it was severe dysplasia but as they go deeper they're not really sure what they will find. That I won't know for another 2 weeks. I'm hoping for the best but knowing my luck.....
When I was diagnosed I was given Valium for my anxiety and now since I've had the procedure done I've been given vicodin so I've been pretty doped up but I took so many between yesterday and today for the anxiety and pain i feel like a noodle.
I had never told my parents about this and decided that I was gonna just keep everything to myself and deal with it alone. Mainly because we were fighting and they had kicked me out (again) and I really was/am going to leave. But I decided to tell them and they've been quite doting as of late. Previously, all they did was insult, badger and annoyed me. Dunno if it was the drugs or just them but it made me highly emotional and weepy. Le sigh.
Certain people (no name shall be mentioned) and I have decided it best not to talk to each other which is for the best. I'm sick of listening to people with their woe is me stories about things that don't matter and isn't the end of the world. They pretend that their life is ending everyday and no one has problems worth then theirs. I'm not saying I have the worst life in the world and I go through so much sh.t and have so many problems and I still try. People need to face up to reality and realize that a lot of people are going to desert in their life if their selfishness prohibits them from ever recognizing the problems that other may have. And that's all I have to say about that.
I feel groggy...I'm off to take another Valium and try to get back to sleep...
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| Well not really back....iI don't really think I'll be able to updat this thing as as much as I'd like.... Nothing really much new on this end I went to Mexico for spring break woot! I'm hungry no woot! I hate my opposite gender....! and right now I wish I could have some bacon.... yea i think i'm done haha lolz...but yea...there are woots and no woots in my life... Peace out! Suj | | |
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